struggling to let go

“Come away with me, Come away with me
It’s never too late, it’s not too late
It’s not too late for you

I have a plan for you
I have a plan for you
It’s gonna be wild
It’s gonna be great
It’s gonna be full of me”

-Jesus Culture

i think i’m at a season where i’m trying so hard to let go of my selfishness, my survival anxieties and give it all to Him. there’s a burning desire in me to give my self to Him but there’s also this flesh bit in me who is not willing to let go of it all. at the end of the day, it is all about my treasure. is it Jesus or is it me and my own evaluation of earthly things. what is beautiful and valuable to me might be worthless to God yet I AM UNABLE TO SEE IT. i am blinded and all i want this season is to slowly allow myself to (re)GAZE at Jesus and his idea of beauty and greatness– to really be a citizen of His Kingdom so that i live out my life on earth w a Kingdom mentality; to spiritually see and hear; to give my life to Jesus the way He gave His life out of love for His Father, out of love for His people..

If I can sing
Let my songs be full of His Glory
If I can speak
Let my words be full of His Grace
If I should live or die
…Let me be found pursuing this prize
The One that alone satisfies
The Treasure of Jesus

i think im at a point where i am struggling to totallly let go of my heart treasures for Jesus. Im at a point where i am thinking..Jesus is really not my treasure. I want him to be my treasure yet i struggle with that. I think as students we struggle w that alot… Boy-girl relationship, Careers, Money we earn, Status we have, How we look etc. these have become the things that ‘cloud’ our vision of what it means to be a child of God; what does it mean to be a citizen in His Kingdom (does this mean we live differently or do we just ‘blend’ in w the crowd).

At church camps or even in LIFE EXPEDITION, we can have a spiritual high yet when we return to our home country, we compare LIFE EX. to our church back home and feel like…church ‘sucks’ more than life ex. i cannot experience Jesus and “i cannot experience the ‘resurrection life’ back home just because the environment does not allow me to” BUT THAT’S NOT SUPPOSE TO HAPPEN. The truth is, if WE ALLOW OURSELVES TO BE A TEMPLE FOR HIS HOLY SPIRIT TO DWELL IN then we can GO ANYWHERE and yet be so connected and so in tune w our God. so when that doesnt happen…perhaps we might not been allowing Jesus to really take root in our hearts. perhaps, life expedition or Melbourne has become our treasure and Jesus is just A PART of it.

so ya, at the end of the day, my prayer is that we can actively pursue God, endure and run in such a way that we never give up and never lose hope and actually finish strong despite the storms and the rough seas/the unforeseen circumstances/not-so-ideal situations that will happen to us throughout life. my prayer is that Jesus becomes our REAL and oNLY treasure so that no matter where we go, we RUN THE RACE OF LIFE IN A WAY THAT SHOWS THAT WE ARE RUNNING FOR AND PURSUING A TREASURE THAT IS NOT EARTHLY. A TREASURE THAT IS IMMEASURABLE. A TREASURE THAT CANNOT BE COMPARED TO ANY EARTHLY TREASURE. A TREASURE THAT UNLIKE A GOLD MEDAL, WILL NEVER TARNISH OR BECOME UN-SHINY EVER. THIS IS THE TREASURE OF JESUS. (sorry guys, i just didnt uncaps..lazy )

Sigh, i struggle but You remind me that You are always with me and FOR me even when i fear.
May Your Word be ENGRAVED in my heart, May Your Spirit take hold of my heart and mind, and may Your Will be ESTABLISHED and LIVED OUT in and through my life.